Child arrangements over the festive period

With Christmas is just weeks away, it can be both difficult and daunting for separated parents to reach an agreement with respect to child arrangements over Christmas. We decided to share some useful tips that will help you plan for this. 

1. Start discussions early
It is a good idea to start having these discussions as early as possible. Agreeing arrangements early, even if you keep them flexible to allow for changing circumstances, will provide some certainty and allow all of you to enjoy the run up to Christmas with any difficult conversations out of the way. Don’t leave it to the last minute, as there will be a lot to discuss in a short space of time. You may find the other parent has already made plans and will be unwilling to negotiate or cancel them to accommodate your last-minute requests.  

2. Communicate effectively
Communication between separated parents can be difficult and you may not always agree with each other. If you find it difficult talking to your ex-partner, consider asking a family member or friend to be present during the discussions. You should choose someone you both trust and get along with. Communication is key when it comes to child arrangements. Both parents should have the best interest of the child(ren) at the forefront of their minds.  

3. Listen
It is very important you keep an open mind when having discussions with the other parent, even if you do not agree to what they are proposing. Take your time to listen to them and then put your proposals across. Both of you should be prepared to compromise to reach an agreement that is in the best interests of your child. A lack of willingness to compromise runs the risk of communication breaking down resulting in the need to seek assistance from a solicitor. 

4. Emotions and best interests of your child
Keep emotions out of discussions as best you can. Your children’s best interests are the most important consideration when making the arrangements and you should always have this in mind. Stay focused on agreeing an outcome that works for everyone. When you are discussing plans, be mindful that your child may overhear you or perhaps see messages you are sending to the other parent. Try to remain calm and do not say bad things about each other in front of your child. This may have a negative impact on them.  

5. Consider what your children want but don’t force them to choose
If your children are old enough, they may have their own views on how they want to spend their Christmas holidays. It is important to listen to your children and let them know that you are taking their opinions seriously. However, it is for the adults to decide the arrangements and not the child, so be mindful that you are not pressuring them in any way to choose. They may try to please you or become upset if they feel they are being unfair to the other parent. 

6. Set out your agreement in writing
When you reach an agreement, it is advisable to set this out in writing and email it to the other parent confirming the arrangement. This should also help to avoid any misunderstandings during the festive season, as you will have something to refer back to. If the other parent doesn’t agree to certain points, you will have enough time to discuss these issues and then amend the agreement if needed.  

7. Stick to the agreement
When you have agreed arrangements, stick to them. Follow the hand-over times you have agreed and make sure you are conscious of how you speak to the other parent in front of your child. If you have any issues, address these later, such as after bedtime or by email or text. 

If you are struggling to make arrangements for your child, please feel free to get in touch with our family law team. We can advise you on the best course of action, including making a child contact application. Contact us on 033 3344 9600 or email [email protected]